


Brotherly affection

by Levixyanage



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, ill tag as i go - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-08
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-10 16:18:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12302904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Levixyanage/pseuds/Levixyanage
Summary: Mary hates her son and dumps him in an orphanageCass wants her son to have a new friend and tries fostering yet another childWho will this mistery boy be?*Cough**cough* it's Neil





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter is pretty harmless but it has some homophobia, violence and a few swear words. Enjoy

MARY 'S POV

Mary Wensnisnski wasn't a strong woman. She didn't argue with her parents for choosing who she was to marry, she didn't fight back when her husband abused her and worst of all...she never managed to love little Nathaniel like a mother should have just because he looked so much like that monster called Nathan.

 

She was very aware of her own limits but there was no way she was going to accept them. She wanted to prove that she could handle every given situation, so when Nathaniel was going through his exy trial of doom she snatched him from the Butcher's grasp and ran. They ran and ran and ran. Day after day, name after name, they went on with their plan for survival.

After two years they had been caught a handful of times but they had always managed to get away from the butcher's men with only a few scars to add to their wide collection. Everything was going fine until one day, while they were staying in Berlin. Nath-Stephan came cack home with lipstick smudged lips and bright red cheeks. 

To say that Mary lost it was an understatement: she punched, kicked and shoved her son around their shitty apartment until he was passed out on the floor. How many times had she told him that it wasn't safe to let someone in?! Let alone some bitchy teenager, and to be honest he was way too young to be fooling around with girls. 12 year old guys were supposed to have at least a tiny bit of innocence left in them.

At some point, while she was cleaning the bloody mess she had caused she realized that... it just wasn't worth it. She wasn't ready to risk her life for that ungrateful son of a bitch anymore, not if he behaved like a fucking whore.

They had already decided that they would have left for their next destination a few days later, Mary just had to change things up a bit, that wasn't so difficult was it? Just a few calls here and there and everything was going to be how it should have been from the beginning.

\---------------------------------------------------

 

One week later they were on a plane for California, just like they had planned. They were analyzing their new personas together: Neil and Sarah Josten, two extremely ordinary and boring people. 

It was very difficult for Mary to concentrate on fooling her child that everything was going to be the same as always. She was afraid that he could find out about her plan. Her head was filled with thousands of questions she couldn't answer, but she was determined to go through with everything before she changed her mind.

NEIL'S POV

As soon as they got off the plane, they bought an industrial amount of dark brown hair dye and the most boring brown contacts they could find to make sure they had enough in case something happened.

Everything was going fine until they both found themselves in front of an orphanage. That's when Neil started to grow suspicious. 'Aren't we supposed to be seaching for the usual shitty apartment?' He thought, but before he could open his mouth Sarah had already caught on to his uneasiness and reassured him that she had to talk to the director for an urgent matter regarding their new IDs. 

That seemed to be good enough for an anwser because he calmed himself down immediately. Her secret contacts were scattered everywhere and they couldn't be more different from one another. Neil felt mortified for not having trusted his mother even if it had been for just a second.

They entered the orphanage and his mother whispered something into a woman's ear and less than five minutes later they were both sitting in an old but comfortable office. 

The door behind them opened and a very stiff and gaunt woman came inside. She looked very much like one of those extremely unfriendly librarians who hated everyone. A big smile was plastered on her face. It could have fooled many peolple but Neil was too experienced in reading people's minds to be deceived. She was as fake as Kim Kardashian's bum.

" Good evening Mrs. Johnson. I am Ms. Adams, director of this orphanage since 1971. I can guarantee you that all of the children who were put under my watch are marvelously educated and will follow every given order. You are here to search for a friend for this beautiful child of your yes?" 

Neil looked around to find this Mrs. Johnson woman but no matter from which angle he looked at, Ms. Adams was looking directly at his mother. Her surname might not have been Wensninski but Josten wasn't quite the same as Johnson was it?

What surprised him a bit though was that Sarah didn't seem taken aback by the mistake. Quite on the contrary, she smiled back and shook hands with the director.

" That's not exactly right unfortunately, I am not here to get a new child, the thing is that I need to leave this one here. He lost his parents in a car crash. I have been taking care of him since then. I was the only person who could take him in after all, but it turned out that I am really not qualified for this task. If he was a normal child I wouldn't be here at all but he's been suffering from PTSD and lately he has even started hallucinating. He suddenly started believing that we were on the run from his father. He even hurt himself at some point just to prove that he had been chased by someone who apparently wanted to kill him. I can't take it anymore and although it pains me to leave him here I see no other solution." She said

Ms. Adam's smile dropped immediately " So what you are telling me is that I have to take in yet another brat because you are incompetent on the subject of motherhood?" 

"Besides the fact that you could have said it in a slightly nicer way, yes that's essentially it."

The two women went on discussing for quite a while but Neil was't even listening anymore. Nothing could describe what he was feeling. His mother was abandoning him for no reason whatsoever. Why had she risked so much for him just to drop him off somewhere? It didn't add up at all and that's why he chose to hang on to that small thread of hope that told him that it was all a big misunderstanding and that they would be out of that place soon enough.

That moment never came though. Soon enough Sarah- or whatever the hell her name was, was leaving.

"Mom what-" Neil asked desperately 

" I'm sorry", his mother replied in German," but it's for the best. His men think that we are traveling together. Splitting up for a bit will certainly make things more difficult for them. I'll get you in a few months. Try not to get adopted will ya? Here's my number. Call if there's an emergency. Bye." She handed him a scrap of paper with a cellphone number on it and left without looking back.

" No mom please-" he tried to call but it was too late. He was alone.

Suddenly he was grabbed by his right ear and dragged out of the office. 

" Don't expect to be treated nicely here just because your dear parents died. I don't have time for that bullshit, and don't even think about burning your clothes like you did with your old ones. What we give you here is to be treasured, you don't have the luxury of behaving like a pampered little prince anymore" ms. Adams screamed at him

When the hell had he ever burned his clothes?

Oh, maybe his mother had told her that while he wasn't listening. Oh well... wait! What about his duffle bag?!

He looked around but it was nowhere to be seen, then he remembered that his mother had taken it with her when she had left him. That meant no contact lenses and hair dye. What was he going to do now?

He fell right into a panic attack and ms. Adams felt it immediately. She let go of his ear and slapped him so hard his nose was bleeding. Her expression was full of so much hatred, Neil actually started shaking. " See, this is exactly what you are NOT allowed to do. You lost your parents and the only person who was willing to take care of you? Well guess what, I. don't. care. Exactly like everyone else here. Toughen up you filthy little bastard!".

By then they had reached a room with at least 20 beds in it. Only one boy was inside though. He was certainly very young, eight years old probably.Brown hair, very pale and skinny and full of bruises. As soon as he saw ms. Adams he flinched very hard but tried his best to hide it. He jumped up into the most upright position he could manage and looked directly at the woman waiting for orders.

" This brat was delivered to us this morning. Show him around, give him a bed and tell him how things work here. If he doesn't do everything exactly how it should be done you'll pay the consequences with him, are we clear?"

"Y-yes ma'am"

"Good" she muttered and before he knew it he was thrown inside violently and the door behind him closed with a loud thud.

It took him a little to recover from the impact but he was back on his own two feet in a flash, not wanting the other kid to notice his discomfort.

"U-um" the little boy stuttered "my name is Thomas, what's yours?"

"Neil, Neil Josten" he would have usually included a few elements of small talk but Thomas clearly wouldn't have appreciated it. He might have been a child but he had a look in his eyes, which showed that he had already witnessed enough to not be fooled by fake politeness.

" So Neil, there are two free beds in here at the moment but I wouldn't take the one right at the back if I were you. That one belonged to AJ. He might not be here right now but he never stays more that a few months in the same place and let me tell you that he HATES it when people touch his things. His things also include that bed unfortunately so if you don't wanna be stabbed in your sleep take the other one"

It was in moments like these that dear Nathaniel would try to take over the boring facade his mind had made up. The urge to ignore warnings, to accept any challenge even if it was from an unknown existence. He didn't know who this AJ was but judging by the look in Thomas's eyes, he certainly wasn't the nicest. Nathaniel was intrigued. Mere curiosity wasn't enough to make Neil disappear though so he just settled for the easy solution and settled himself where he had been told to. The fact that he even had a place to sleep in was overwhelming but it was a painful reminder that his mother wasn't going to be around for some time.

His heart clenched but he did his best to ignore the tears which wanted to escape from his eyes so desperately and listened to the rules.

It all seemed pretty straightforward. If you did all your chores you got the food, if not ms. Adams always found new punishments, each worse than the other. For a moment Neil thought that it was actually going to be alright...that feeling of safety vanished as soon as the door barged open and a horde of teenagers and children came swarming inside.

There were at least 15 of them, all bruised up and ready for violence. At the beginning it seemed like they weren't going to be too much of an issue since they were mostly focused on what they had been discussing up until then, but it soon turned out that their concentration could pass from one thing to another if it was interesting enough, and a new roommate certainly was.

" Who the hell are you?!" The seemingly tallest of the group asked

" Neil Josten" 

" what a stupid name, how about we call you faggot? Doesn't he look like a nice little fag? Can't wait to spread your legs for us don't ya?"

Everyone started laughing at that remark. Actually they sounded more like choking pigs than humored humans if you asked Neil, but he doubted that they would appreciate that remark. He didn't really care if they called him names or made fun of him. As long as they kept their hands to themselves it was fine.

If he had to be honest, he didn't even know if those accusations were actually true. He had been kissed by a girl once but it certainly didn't feel as pleasurable as he'd read in some books. The beating he got from his mother just added to the '13 reasons why I will never kiss someone again, at least for some time' list. Plus, he was only 12. Sometimes 12 year olds knew everything about themselves already but Neil had missed out on so much of his childhood that he probably needed at least a few more years to figure things out. Maybe he was gay, maybe he wasn't but who the hell cared anyway?

While he was absorbed in his thoughts, having alteady lost interest in his presumable roommates, he didn't notice those assholes getting closer and closer...not until it was too late at least.

They punched and kicked him until he was all bloody and aching. He didn't react initially hoping that they would stop at some point but he then noticed that he wasn't the only victim: Thomas was being assauted in an even more violent manner. The kid passed out at some point but that wasn't nearly enough to satisfy the bullies. 

Something inside of Neil clicked and a moment later Nathaniel came out and with him came a bone deep rage. Not that he cared about some kid who wasn't strong enough to save himself, everything which had happened in the last couple of years had just started to bottle up as the time passed, and this had been the last straw. 

While Neil would have just waited for things to settle, Nathaniel launched himself at full force aganist one of the guys and started dragging his finger nails across his face until it was completely covered in blood. The guy was screaming in pain, begging for mercy but Nathaniel didn't have mercy did he?

He felt hands attatching to him, trying to pull him away but he didn't budge. When he was finished he stood up and turned around. Eve was silent. A sick smile contorted his face. Nathaniel was sure that at that moment he looked just like his father. 

" Anyone else wants to have a go with me?" He asked. Had his voice always been that cold?

No one anwsered so he simply redirected his attention onto the guy which he had massacred and started tasting him to find anything useful. Turns out the guy had a small pocket knife. It wasn't anything special but it was better than nothing so Nathaniel took it and placed it inside his jacket.

By the time he was finished everyone had suddenly found something better to do than just stare at him.The danger was officially gone so Neil took over once again. He kneeled next to Thomas and put him on the bed which he had previously chosen for himself.

When the time came he went to dinner with the others. He didn't say a word to anyone from that point on besides a muttered "thank you" to some girl who had handed him his soup.

Then came the time to go to bed and Thomas hadn't woken up yet. Sleeping in the kid's bed was just an unwanted invasion of privacy so the only option left was AJ's bed. Nathaniel had already come out, he already had a reputation after the first day, his mother had left with his contact lenses and hair dye. His situation couldn't possibly worsen if he slept in a place which belonged to someone who wasn't there anymore.

He lifted the covers and slid under. The matress was very old and hard but he he'd slept on worse. Soon enough he fell asleep, reassuring himself that it was going to be fine because his mother would come back soon.


	2. Chapter 2

NEIL's POV

When Nathaniel was still a child, he had been told very often that physical pain was the worst kind of suffering method because it debilitated the person to whom it was inflicted. 

He had believed them, like he had done with many other things which had turned out to be nothing more than hollow lies 

Mary had promised him that she was going to come back after a month, maybe two. He had waited patiently for her, trying his best not to get into weird foster families which seemed to love his icy blue eyes and auburn hair with dark brown tips.

He had cried himself to sleep countless times until he had no more tears left. He had fought tooth and nail just to get enough food to survive. Every single day new bruises had added up to his body but he had been ok with it: His mother was coming back after all. ' it's not going to last long anymore' he had always told himself. 

This had only worked for the first few weeks but now seven whole months had past and Neil was both physically and mentally drained. 

After the first month Nathaniel had started to crawl out of his hole more and more often. By now he was sure that the only thing which had remained of Neil Josten was the actual name, everything else belonged to his cold blooded past self. By now he wasn't really bothered by it anymore. It had turned out that little Nathaniel wasn't so bad after all if he let his anger burn out. When it finally expired all that was left in him was apathy, and with that Neil could deal. He didn't even give a fuck about his scars anymore, they were just a part of him which he couldn't erase. Hiding them didn't make them disappear.

He had already noticed that something wasn't right after having waited for Mary for three whole months but the harsh truth had hit him a few days later, when he had decided to use that number she had given him. He had treasured it like a precious jewel of inestimabile value, he had worked himself to the bone just to get permission to use ms. Adams's crappy phone for five minutes, he had longed to hear his mother's voice so much and...all that came out was a robotic voice which told him that the number he had dialed so carefully didn't actually exist.

In that moment every inch of Neil's being had collapsed and he had found himself in yet another panic attack. That time it had been worse though: whilst he usually went really quiet and waited for it to end, he had started throwing and breaking everything he had gotten in his hands without even realizing what he was actually doing. 

At some point he had been grabbed from behind and all he could remember from that point on was the feeling of excruciating pain, although he hadn't really been able to pinpoint if it was because someone (presumably ms. Adams) was hitting him or if it was the psychological trauma he had just experienced. Maybe it had been a mix of both.

At some point he had fallen unconscious.

When he had woken up he had found himself chained to a wooden pillar situated in the garden. It had been incredibly cold: his fingers had gone numb, his nose had turned purple and after a few hours his hair had mainly consisted of snow.

Neil had stayed out there for four days. No one had even tried talking to him. It was as if he had been forgotten.

Every day someone had given him something to eat but it certainly hadn't been enough to satiate him. When ms. Adams had finally decided to end his punishment she had sent two of the older guys to fetch him. The state he had been in wasn't something Neil wanted to remember: he had been covered in his own urine and vomit, since he had gotten very sick at some point. 

He hadn't even been able to stand upright for a few days after that ( which had gotten him in more trouble because he hadn't done his chores properly).

Those might have been what he considered the worst days of his life but there was also a bright side: if his mother had hated him so much that she had just given him up, she had also made him hate himself on purpose. He literally didn't have a reason to be afraid of mirrors anymore because he had learned to accept himself for who he was .

Still, the fact that he didn't have anyone to refer to troubled him greatly. He had considered trying to get adopted but he saw how 90% of the children who were taken came back a few weeks later, looking more broken than they were before.

Thomas had been one of them. He had been so happy about having a new foster family. Nobody had really payed very much attention to him because he didn't have any distinctive physical traits. He had told Neil all about his new parents. They had seemed to be pleasant people, but of course they weren't. 

Only two weeks after his departure he had been brought back. His 'father' had told ms. Adams that Thomas had bitten his hand and that he couldn't behave properly. 

Before going away he had been a cheerful child who only sat still when there were grown ups around. He had alway been in their room, while everyone else was outside, imagining how a good life could have been like. 

When he had returned everyone soon noticed that he was different. He had refused to take showers with anyone else, hadn't comunicated anymore and he had never slept for more than two hours before waking up from what looked like extremely violent nightmares. 

One month later he had disappeared. Everyone had been searching for him, until someone had found his corpse inside of an unused wardrobe. The police had claimed that he had most likely killed himself by taking cyanide. Nobody dwelled on it for more than two or three days though: it was pretty common it those places, one kid less just meant one mouth less to feed.

Neil had actually enjoyed Thomas's company while he was still alive but at this point he just didn't care anymore. All his thoughts were concerned with making a plan of escape in order to start running again. Though he knew that by doing that his father could have easily tracked him down again, everything was better than the orphanage, even mutiny.

He had made out various routes to freedom before but every time he had thought to have found a solution some other kid would have tried to run with the same method. All of them had been caught, so Neil had always ended up being back to square one.

He was planning another one of his escape routes when Neil heard a sharp knock on the door to his room. He hid the scrape of paper where he had previously doodled a very ugly outline of the orphanage and all of its doors and windows.

One of the caretakers came in and ordered him and a few other boys who were all roughly of his age to go to ms. Adams's office. They all jumped up and ran as quickly as possible, to evade any sort of beating for not being fast enough.

The first thing Neil noticed when he entered the dreaded office was that ms. Adams's fake smile was back on her ugly face. When he looked closer he saw that there was another woman, and with her a very tall guy, presumably her son given the fact that they had similar features.

" ah right on time, say hello to this wonderful lady and this young lad children" ms. Adams asked kindly, though everyone could hear the threat in her undertone.

" good morning miss, good morning mr." they all yelled in unison.

The woman spoke up " good morning children, my name is Cass Spear and this is my oldest son Drake. Some of you may remember that I came here nearly a year ago to foster a child, and since everything has been going wonderfully I thought 'why not try to foster another one?'. You see, my smaller boy feels very lonely at the moment and he doesn't seem to be able to socialize with the other kids at school. Maybe having someone who lived though the same things as him might help him a bit. O-of course I'll treat the person we'll choose like my own child. I am aware of the terrible things which were done to you, and I'm ready to fight hard to make you forget about this place by offering a warm home and a family".

The other children paled and they started to whisper to each other

" she's his-"

"AJ's foster mother"

" the fuck does AJ's foster mother want from us?!"

" AJ wants revenge, for sure."

" we're dead, we're screwed, we're not gonna get out of this alive".

Their voices were overlapping. Neil felt disoriented.

Part of him wanted to be on his worst behaviour to make sure he wasn't picked but there was also a little voice in his head which screamed at him to give in. If that woman was AJ's foster mother, he would have finally met the famous boy.

Everyone had expected AJ to come back and they all feared that day. They described him as some unstable monster with a dagger to every new kid they got. When he hadn't shown up in front of the orphanage after more that five months he had been slowly forgotten but it seemed like the element of fear had lingered in the children's minds, ready to pop out as soon as his name was said out loud.

Although Neil had never actually met AJ he had a pretty good idea on how he was because he had left quite a few knife marks under his bed. There were overlapping lines, which disn't really represent anything concrete and names. Names of different people, probably from his foster homes. Neil had spent hours trying to figure out what all that meant, but he hadn't come up with anything plausible.

"...and this little one il Neil. Came in here a few months ago, he is a great boy" ms. Adams said. Neil snapped out of his thoughts. She always tried to give the best impression of the children although it never really worked.

Cass spoke up again " Yes, they all seem like great children but I would like them to decide whether to become part of the Spear family or not".

" oh, that's alright, children would someone of you like to have a new home?"

After less than a second it became clear that none of the children wanted to leave, not if it meant having to reunite with AJ.

Suddenly Neil was overcome with a weird sense of courage and took one single step forward. He inhaled as much air as he could and looked at both Cass and her son with an incredibly determined expression " I'd like to go"

He heard the children behind him gasp. 

It had problably been a very bad idea, why had he even dared to-

Cass smiled at him.

Her smile was so warm and welcoming. No one had ever looked at him like that. After so much time of not feeling anything he smiled back and warmth spread all over him.

" Oh you are just adorable, we are going to take great care of you, isn't that right Drake?"

" Of course mom, he'll surely become great friends with AJ, I can feel it. Then he won't be so depressed anymore" 

Drake had a very weird look on his face. He almost seemed menacing. For a moment Neil was sure that there was definitely something wrong with him. ' nah, can't be. It's probably just my fucked up mind playing tricks on me' he thought and everything was forgotten.

" Now Neil, please go pack your things and come here when you are finished. We have some paperwork to complete. Everybody else, go back to your chores". Ms Adams ordered.

Less than ten minutes later Neil was done with his luggage and he waited patiently for his new foster mother to fill in the files.

He finally had someone he could lean on again, a family, maybe even a home. Fuck Nathan Wensninski, fuck Mary Hatford, fuck them all. He would finally be a normal kid who went to school and didn't have to stitch up his own wounds.

The door to the office opened and Cass came out with her son.

" Anyone you want to say goodbye to before we go?"

"Not particularly"

"Alright let's go then"

"Yes Mrs. Spear"

" oh, call me mom or Cass or whatever you are comfortable with, just don't use formalities with me, you are part of our family now right?"

"yes Cass"

She smiled at him again

They all went into a little car. No one talked during the ride. No unnecessary questions were made. There was just a shallow hint of music coming from the radio. 

When they got to their destination Drake parked the car and they all got out. Their house was big and it gave Neil a weird sense of domesticity. Flowers and plants decorated the front yard. From the house came a very light smell of...burnt cookies?

As soon as Cass noticed the smell, she turned to Drake in a nearly panicked state and shrieked " please tell me AJ didn't try to bake again, I swear, he's going to burn the house one of these days."

She ran towards the front door and opened it. 

" AJ! * cough* * cough* what did you do this time?!"

" Nothing Cass, just wanted to be nice. It's not my fault if- who the fuck's that?"

" Didn't I tell you that you needed a new friend? Well, here he is. Meet your new brother Neil!"

" My what?!!"

" Don't shout AJ, do you want to scare him on his first day? This is Neil, be nice" her tone still as sweet as honey.

So that was AJ. He was...something. He was way smaller than he had imagined and he didn't see any daggers either. He looked like an ordinary boy with a death glare which could probably kill ordinary people. Short blonde hair, hazel eyes and very skinny. Typical complexion for undernourished foster kids.

Not so dangerous after all, what a disappointment. Oh well, misfits like him couldn't have it all, right?

" I didn't agree with a foster brother Cass"

" no you didn't, but you can't always be grumpy and depressed AJ, you need someone who understands you better than me, Richard or Drake ever could."

" who's Richard?" Neil asked. Perhaps another brother?

" Oh, he's my husband. Right now he's on a business trip. Don't worry, he knows of your existence. We have agreed on fostering another child a few days ago. Usually you'd need both the parents to sign the paperwork for adoptions and all that stuff, but your orphanage is just in a horrendous state and they want to get rid of the kids easily so they let an awful lot slide. Oh, I'm blabbering again, come inside and you AJ," She turned to the blonde boy " are going to show him around the house. He'll sleep in the guest room."

They all entered and Cass immediately disappeared into the kitchen to clean up the mess AJ had previously made.

Drake briefly winked at them and went upstairs. Presumably into his own bedroom.

The two boys were alone. An ackward silence dawned upon them. Neil felt kind of uncomfortable so he tried to install a conversation.

"soooo, you're AJ, right? Heard quite a few things about you back at the orphanage " 

"Don't call me AJ. I don't like it." 

"How so?"

"That's none of your business"

"What do I get to call you then?"

"Andrew, or Joseph. Pick one and fuck off"

"It would be a pleasure but you need to tell me where I can fuck off to ..."

Andrew sighed and started to walk in the direction of a set of stairs.

"Follow me. Don't talk to me. I don't like you"

"Believe me, the feeling is mutual"

"Good, now shut it"

And Neil did. His new room was spacious and full of light. Not as luxurious as the one he had at his father's mansion but certainly better than anything he had expected.

It was a weird feeling, having a home.

Suddenly he felt a wave of exhaustion bursting through his whole body and he decided to go to sleep. 

Before falling into a deep slumber he heard a few noises coming from what apparently was Andrew's room. Thuds, hisses, heavy breathing etc...

Maybe it was because he was tired, or maybe his senses had gotten rusty after so much time, that he dismissed any warning in those suspicious sounds.

When he fell asleep he dreamt of burnt cookies, blonde hair and big houses.

He was finally at home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for being so patient, school's turned into hell and I'm reduced to having to study 24/7. Ugh, someone save me


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drake comes back into the picture and it gets pretty ugly for poor Neil. There are major warnings for underage rape. If you get triggered by this please skip to the notes at the end where I summarized the chapter in a less explicit way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thank you so much for reading and commenting this fic. Now after more than one whole month I officially came back from the dead and brought this new chapter with me

NEIL's POV

Having a family was kind of weird. Neil was so used to violence and fear, that he doubted even the slightest nice gesture, even after one whole month with the Spears.

He didn't fully trust Cass yet, although he was sure that she wasn't capable of doing anything even remotely connected evil. He hoped that one day he would be able to actually view her as the mother had always dreamed of.

Drake on the other hand certainly wasn't someone to whom Neil really looked up to. Behind his big smiles and caring words lied something sinister, the question was what it actually was...  
Not that Neil really cared since Drake was in the marine and he had been summoned back.

Richard Spear was just a boring man. There was nothing special about him. He was more at work than at home anyway.

Then there was Andrew. Him Neil still hadn't figured out at all. He showed no emotions whatsoever besides when Cass praised him for something he had done well. He didn't seem to have any friends although he had been living there for nearly a year. The only clear thing about Andrew Doe was that he hated Neil with great passion. They hadn't even spoken to each other at all after the brief house tour on Neil's first day.

All Neil ever got from Andrew were empty stares. By then it had gotten to the point where it was really creepy. He also had this weird habit of standing up in the middle of the night and locking himself up in the bathroom for more than half an hour. It was all a very silent procedure though: the only reason Neil had noticed in the first place was that he was an incredibly light sleeper, trained to jump up and run as soon as he heard any sort of noise.

Right now they were all having breakfast together and Cass was desperately trying to make the two boys communicate. Neil sometimes wondered if she regretted her choice of fostering another child, since he hadn't really done what she had wished for him to do.

" Oh, and by the way boys, I have a surprise!  
Drake is coming back home for a week isn't it great? We are finally going be united again!"

Andrew instantly paled at that remark and although he didn't show any visible reaction, judging by the way he clutched his glass of hot chocolate until his knuckles turned white, he wasn't happy about it. Not one bit. 

Cass seemed to notice her foster child's reaction too but she didn't pay any mind to it. When he abruptly stood up and excused himself, she merely nodded.

In conclusion: Andrew wasn't much of a Drake fan either.

" He always does that when Drake comes back" she explained, " I still haven't figured out why exactly but I'm positive that he'll get over it. Maybe it's that no one used to give him any attention so he developed some form of possessiveness for me and Richard. What do you think Neil?"

That was another thing about Cass: she always wanted to know people's opinions. No matter how young or insignificant the people she talked to were, she always listened to them. His mother had never been like that. What she said was law, someone as stupid as him couldn't possibly have the right to speak or to give any suggestions .

" Maybe, I don't know. I haven't been in foster care as long as he's been, only after my parents were caught in a domestic fire and died... but yeah, it was pretty lonely in there. Survival instincts makes even children concentrate more on not starving than on being nice, you know?" He anwsered. He was kind of proud of himself that the managed to say all that. Maybe he was slowly turning into a normal child but he still had his doubts about that.

She gave him a sad smile, full of compassion. Neil hated facial expressions like that but he understood why she made them and never commented on it.

" I always forget that you used to have a family too. Sorry I if made you remember anything traumatic. If you feel like opening up to me or anyone else about anything, don't be afraid to do so, we're all here to listen." 

She gently carded her hand through his auburn hair.

He nodded at her and leaned into her touch. He felt so bad for having to lie to her about his past life but even if he had accepted himself many months before, giving her his true identity was too much of a risk for both him and her.

 

________________________________________

 

When Drake came back Andrew got really weird. Those wimpers Neil had heard on his first evening there were back, his nightly trips to the bathroom had plolonged and during the day he didn't come out of his room at all if not absolutely necessary. 

In the mornings Neil would sometimes even find tiny smears of blood on the floor or sink. There were only two theories he had come up with bit each one was more stupid and impossible than the other.

1: Andrew was a vampire who lurked out his preys and killed them in the evenings and then disposed of them in the bathroom

Or

2: Andrew was extremely horny and on his period.  
( he was pretty positive only girls got it but maybe he had missed out one anatomy lesson too much)

How Drake was connected to any of them Neil didn't even consider since none of the two made any sense.

After the fourth day of this weirdness curiosity finally won and he decided to confront him  
But not during the day. 

At night was the perfect time because no one could interrupt them.

' When Andrew'll exit his bedroom I'll just block him' he thought.

 

 

 

But that's not how things went. 

 

Neil was on his bed, waiting for Andrew to come out of his shelter.

His door wasn't locked because he wanted to be able to reach Andrew on time. 

He was so absolved in his thoughts that he didn't hear his bedroom door slowly open.

When he finally noticed the other presence near him it was already too late. 

Drake assaulted him

Neil didn't even have time to react.

"Oh Neil, Neil, Neil. Did ya know you are awfully pretty for your age? I might even go as far as saying you're as pretty as AJ. AJ always bends down so well for me. Will you do that too?"

After Drake whispered that into his ears he expertedly flipped Neil so that he was lying face down into the matress.

Neil tried to scream but the sounds were muffled by the pillow.

 

Neil felt a big and sweaty hand touch him in places that were certainly not appropriate.

He struggled for a few more seconds but Drake wasn't having any of it.

" I got myself a feisty one here, I like it. It's always a pleasure to watch my preys stuggle. You've got no chance darling, it'll only be worse for you afterwards" he warned.

He tolerated the kicks and huffs fow another few seconds. 

Then he got tired.

He took a lamp and smashed it on Neil's head.

From that point on it the world became unfocused and full of fuzzy edges.

Something liquid, probably blood, was slowly oozing down his forehead, but it all seemed so distant. There was also a bit of pain which seemed to come from his lower region. It spread throughout his whole body, though it was just faint. 'I've been through worse' Neil told himself. He just wanted to close his eyes and forget about the whole world.

Suddenly Drake grabbed his hair and pulled hard, shoving Neil right back into reality. With everything back into place the pain spiked. He still tried to convince himself that what his father had done to him had been more gruesome and cruel but every time he said that he believed himself a little less.

All his ears heard were low groans, grunts and other primitive sounds of pleasure.

Then Drake stopped, pulled out and turned Neil around again. 

" See you tomorrow, my cute baby brother" he said while smirking evilly.

A few seconds later he was gone.

Neil was alone...it was all so sick...he felt sick... he felt filthy and sticky everywhere. Then there was the pain too....so much pain.

He mustered up all of his courage and looked down on himself.

Wrong move.

Maybe it was because of all the blood mixed with a white substance he saw steadily flowing out of him, or maybe the lamp had given him a concussion. Maybe it was both, fact was that he puked all over himself.

He knew he had to get up and clean the whole mess that had been made but he was sure that his legs were going to give out under his weight

Then he thought about Andrew and it all made sense.

That was the reason he hated his foster brother so much and why he spent hours in the washroom. 

A soft knock startled him into consciousness. 

He didn't want anyone to see him in that state but he was aware of his current condition, aware of the fact that his body had been ravaged to the point where even the simplest task was impossible, so he swallowed thickly and let out a quiet " come in" in a raspy voice.

Inside came no one other than Andrew.

In his hand something which looked like a wet rag.

" I see he got to you too. Welcome to the club of underaged deranged rape victims then."

" The fuck's your problem?! If you're gonna be an asshole, do it tomorrow" Neil hissed back.

He felt so ashamed if his curent state: half naked, bleeding and covered in puke. It vaguely reminded him of the time Mrs. Adams had chained him to that pole in the front yard, only that this time it was worse.

Neil tried to stand up, to run and hide somewhere he was alone, but he stumbled and fell on his first step. His stomach gave out again shortly after. Before he puked over the whole floor though Andrew managed to snatch the trash can and hand it to him. He didn't say a word until Neil stopped retching.

"Listen, I'm going to have to move you a little, for that I have to touch you, is that ok? Nod if you understand"

Neil nodded sharply, though he wasn't sure if he was able to receive any form of human contact without falling into a panic attack.

A hand grasped his shoulder. Andrew's grip wasn't constricting or excessively tight, it had just enough pressure on it to serve its purpose, Nothing more and nothing less.

This moving around continued for a bit, the fact that Andrew seemed to be so detatched from the whole world kind of helped.

In the end he had gotten Neil away from the bed and had successfully removed the sheets full of blood and vomit, only to replace them with clean ones.

" are you stable now?" He asked.

"Why are you helping me?"

" I asked you a question first"

"I think I am, though I'm not sure"

 

" Try to stand up. You are going to shower and then I tell you exactly what to do when shit like this happens because I'm not always going to be able to be there to help"

Sure enough, when Neil tried to walk for a second time, he managed to move around a little, even if he was still pretty unsteady.

When they finally reached the bathroom, Neil's body was literally on fire, his lower region was begging to be left alone. Every step made it seem like he had shards of glass stuck up his ass. 

As soon as he saw the shower in line of vision, everything around him disappeared immediately.  
He jumped out of his clothes, not caring if Andrew saw his scars and turned on the water spray at maximum heat. Meanwhile Andrew closed the shower curtains to give Neil a bit of privacy, picked up the discarded clothes and washed them to get rid of the vomit. Then he sat on the toilet seat and waited for his 'little brother' to finish. 

Neil scrubbed and rinsed his whole body like he never had before, using all kinds of soaps he could find. Soon his skin turned completely red due to the heat of the water. It was as if he had fallen into some trancelike state where all that counted was getting the filth away from him, where he was under the illusion that water and sope were enough to erase both physical and emotional pain.

After more than 20 minutes he still hadn't come out. Andrew began to feel restless, probably knowing full well why it was taking Neil so long.

" Neil, burning yourself is not going to help. I'll go out now. You come out of the shower, dress and meet me back at your room. If you are not there in ten minutes I will come in here and check if everything's alright so don't try anything stupid, you'll just hurt yourself more".

When the door closed shut Neil finally stepped out of his safe heaven and dried off as best as he could. The towel ended up having quite a few drops of blood on it at the end of the process so he dumped it in the washing machine. A fresh pijama was neatly folded on the toilet seat where Andrew had just been sitting. 

He put it on and went back to his bedroom.

Andrew was waiting for him on his newly made bed. Their eyes were staring at each other, awaiting for the other to speak up.

Neil got tired and retried with his previous question: " why are you helping me?"

"Because if I don't you'll probably end up killing yourself and I'll be blamed for it. I'll be sent back flying into the orphanage before I know it."

"No need for it then. I'm not about to commit suicide because someone raped me. I've had worse."

Andrew eyed him warily

"And I'm supposed to believe that."

"I'm fine"

" still not convincing Pinocchio"

"I don't have to convince you of anything. I'm just stating the truth, also who's Pinocchio?" Neil started to get quite irritated.

At that Andrew reacted. Neil didn't know what he had said to get him to get that look which clearly said 'are you stupid?'

" How do you not know who pino- nevermind, I give up. Have it your way. When shit like this happens again just wash your sheets, shower and go back to bed. No one can notice your discomfort and you talk about this to no one. Got it?"

When Neil nodded, Andrew turned around and left. 

And then Neil was alone once more. He tried to turn off the lights and go back to bed but the pain was too severe and the demons too big for him to fight on his own. It was as if Drake was still on top of him pinning him down, thrusting violently in and out of him, breathing heavily on his face, grinning sickly at him.

For the first time in months he thought about running again: Changing his name and leaving California, even without his mother's contacs he might have been able to escape...but what about Cass? She was the only person who viewed him as something more than a mere mistake, leaving her was out of the question. For now he had to bear with it and wait it out, although he was't sure for how long he was capable to last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo to summarize this chapter as promised in the chapter summary: Drake comes home for a week after Neil had lived in that house for a month. Neil is very interested in Andrew and a few weird behaviours of his but before they can talk Drake assaults him and we all know what happens. Andrew helps neil to wash up and cope with what just happened to him but they have a little bit of an argument due to their shitty personalities and Andrew leaves Neil by himself.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically Andrew's POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After more than two months I have come back yet again. Seriously how can people update every day? I barely manage 1 chapter in 2 months!  
> I have so much respect for those people
> 
> About the chapter... it's rape again so if you feel uncomfortable with it just skip this one.
> 
> Love ya:)

ANDREWs POV

When Cass had told him that she had a surprise for him, he certainly hadn’t imagined that she was going to come home with another misfit. 

Neil was his name and from the first moment he saw him,Andrew was absolutely sure that it wouldn‘t have gone well at all. His eyes were awfully pretty,made of a shade as blue as the sky and as piercing as a needle. 

Andrew had known for quite some time that for some reason he didn‘t feel any sort of attraction for any girls. He had secretly hoped that one day that missing element would have appeared out of the blue and he would have been able to be like everyone else. Of course he had noticed that he had found himself gawking at a few boys sometimes, but he had decided to ignore it all, to deceive himself that those stares had nothing to to with physical attraction because that would have meant that Drake and all those who had come before him had inflicted him so much damage, that it had finally reached his head. Being gay had just been out of the question… until he met his new supposed little brother.

From the first moment he had laid his eyes on Neil it had been clear that Andrew wouldn‘t have been capable of ignoring the truth any longer. It hadn‘t only been his eyes: his shiny auburn hair and the fair amount of freckles which gently dusted his cheeks had also played a big role in Neil‘s attractiveness. 

With the ugly realization came yet another feeling Andrew hadn‘t felt for a long time: hatred; Hatred for Neil because he had woken up the one thing he dreaded, and even more hatred for Drake, who was going to ruin the poor boy in the same way he had been ruined.

He knew that Cass had gotten another boy to make him socialize more, oblivious of her biological son‘s sins, so he had simply accepted her decision. 

Only a few hours later she had come to his room and had told him Neil‘s backstory:   
—born into a normal family in California  
—parents died into a fire   
—dropped into the orphanage by old family friend who hadn‘t felt like babysitting a troubled child  
That‘s where the pretty boy had also become interesting: that story had been made up. A few years before Andrew had memorized the entire telephone book of California and there had not been any Jostens. 

By watching him closely for the few weeks afterwards he had noticed other things which had proven everything else being a lie too. Starting from the fact that Neil always avoided knives like the plague and always checked his surroundings as if someone was going to attack him at any moment. Those behaviours were common results of years and years of abuse, not seven months in an orphanage without even having been fostered once.

Andrew had promised himself that he was going to figure Neil out, but one month later he hadn‘t made any progress at all. They hadn‘t even spoken a word to each other. All they had been doing was staring, staring and even more staring. It wasn‘t like Andrew didn‘t want to talk to him, he just knew that as soon as Neil would have revealed some truths he would have asked for some himself and Andrew knew he wasn‘t ready to talk about his issues, wasn‘t ready to talk about Drake or about his bloody wrists.   
***  
The silence between them had to be broken at some point, Andrew was well aware of it, but he would have never imagined that it would have happened under such terrible circumstances. 

When Drake had come home Andrew had immediately shut down. 

From day one the rotten bastard had come into his bedroom and had pinned his small body to his matress. By then it didn‘t bother him as much anymore. He had trained himself to detach his soul from his body, to make it seem like it wasn‘t him lying there while being fucked by that filthy animal. In the end this little escape method of his had never really worked though: it was him getting raped, not some random boy who didn‘t exist, it was him having to wash his sheets all the time to avoid anyone noticing his situation, it was him trying to patch himself up and filling his boxers with a shit load of toilet paper to prevent the blood from staining anything.

Until then Andrew had suffered in silence, knowing full well that he wasn‘t worth being protected by anyone. He had almost been glad that Drake hadn‘t named Neil yet. He had secretly hoped that he was satisfied with fucking him only because Neil didn‘t deserve it. No one deserved such a thing, not even he did, but he didn’t really count.

Then suddenly his older brother hadn't been happy with him alone anymore, he had wanted more. He had craved for fresh meat. By then Andrew didn‘t give any visible reactions when being raped and Drake had wanted some action so, as soon as he had finished his business with the blonde he had gone for the redhead. 

Andrew had wanted to help Neil,or at least to warn him, but Drake had been particularly ferocious that night so he hadn't had enough strength to move. He had just laid there motionless on his bed for seconds...minutes...hours...days...years...Andrew didn‘t know anymore nor did he care, why was he even so worried in the first place? 

He’d been slowly drifting to some weird state of unconsciousness when he had heard a weird noise, similar to something breaking and a soft sob. Then he had remembered and to his surprise he had managed to jolt up and do all of his clean up procedures in the blink of an eye. He’d then waited for Drake to exit Neil‘s bedroom. 

What he’d found inside hadn't been pretty, but he’d already prepared himself for the worst case scenario which would have meant having to get rid of a corpse

Granted, Neil hadn’t been at his best then, but it could have been a lot worse. Getting him out of his own puke hadn’t been a lot fun either though he’d been surprised that Neil had cooperated without complaint.

Of course their shitty personalities had managed to split them up soon after he’d aided his ‘ little brother’, since they’d both started bickening and Andrew hadn’t been in the mood for that.

His intention had been to catch as much sleep as possible, due to the fact that he unfortunately was just a human being and his body needed to rest every now and then.

Now, two hours later it was clear that falling asleep was undoubtedly out of the question for nothing but gruesome nightmares were in store for him inside of his broken dreamland. He’d just woken up with a thick layer of cold sweat sticking to his skin like tape for the third time when he finally decided to put an end to this torture and stopped trying to rest although his body screamed at him in protest.

‘ tomorrow is going to be another bad day huh’ was the last thing he thought of before concentrating on one specific spot on the ceiling to keep himself awake yet mentally detached at the same time.

He was sure Neil was awake too, although he was probably being worse off than him since he probably didn’t know how to blend the whole world out like him. That particular coping mechanism only came after countless forms of domestic abuse.

He knew that leaving him alone had been an awful decision but what else could he have done?   
If he was a little older, then this would have all been easier. No matter how hard he tried to be mature and prepared for everything, he was just 13 ( granted he was going to be 14 in about a month but still) and therefore lacked certain components only age could bring.

________________________________________

The next day went like every other one in this shitty week, which meant that it was awfully loud due to a static noise ringing in his ears. He knew he was just imagining it, but no matter what he did it wouldn’t stop.

Everything else was numb.  
So awfully numb.  
It was horror 

Cass checked on him regularly, since he’d told her he didn’t feel well. Seeing her so worried made his heart- or whatever was left of it-bleed.

She continued to alternate between muttering sweet words to him and filling him in on what was happening outside of his room.

None of her phrases caught any of his attention until… “ Really though Andrew, there must be some virus flying around the house. Poor Neil caught it too. The poor thing threw up all over Drake’s shoes this morning. He doesn’t have a fever but the amount of vomit he produced is worrying” 

He made a mental note of her words and as soon as she left him to go prepare dinner he made his way to the younger boy’s room. Neil had made a stupid choice: who the hell pretended everything was alright after having been raped?   
He could have at least waited for Drake to go out before exiting his room. Had little Pinocchio been expecting to be able to deal with the fucker?!

Andrew would have loved to leave him alone but he was partly to blame since he hadn’t told him what to do afterwards and how to handle it, knowing damn well that the kid wasn’t the brightest.

All he had was a smart mouth (and some gorgeous eyes of course), but physical strength and brain substance were clearly missing. 

This time he entered Neil’s room without knocking and was rewarded with a frightened flinch. 

“What do you want” Neil hissed.

“I want nothing”

“Then get lost”

“Why did you go downstairs while Drake was still in the house?”

“You told me to act like nothing happened. Besides, I’m fine”

Andrew arched an eyebrow. He didn’t believe him “You’re fine. I believe you told me the same shit last night, yet you had a little bit of an incident on Drake’s shoes this morning. Isn’t that funny?”

“Leave me alone”

“See? Told you you aren’t fine”  
Neil eyed him inquisitively so he continued: “ dismissal is common in mentally shaken up people”

Neil probably just didn’t have the will nor the strength to find a proper response so he tried to convey his bitterness and distaste, and whatever else he was feeling for Andrew through a murderous glare.

And thus the ogling contest between the two started yet again.

They stayed in an uncomfortable silence for what must have been at least half an hour made entirely of stares . 

To be honest Andrew had seriously wanted to leave the child with his own issues and not offer his help again after less than a minute, but even he wasn’t ruined enough to interpret the hostility between them as something different from a silent cry for help on Neil’s part.

So he stayed, imagining how life would have been if Drake hadn’t been there. Would Andrew and Neil have been friends?  
Probably not. It would have been better though.

He usually never thought of ‘what ifs’. He’d banned that expression from his vocabulary a long time before, but seeing Neil in that state made him realise that he probably didn’t look any better himself

They’d both hit rock bottom without noticing it, hadn’t they?

Why did the world always pick on the same people? They were children for fucks sake! What had they done wrong to deserve this?

“ Cut a deal with me” Andrew said with nothing but resolution written over his face.

When Neil didn’t respond he went on: “I help you overcome this and you promise you won’t kill yourself no matter how painful it gets”

“What’s in there for you?”

“Nothing. You can still be saved. I can’t. That’s just how things are. Deal?”

The younger boy looked at him as if he was an alien. Then something flashed in his eyes and just when Andrew was giving up on the idea, he heard it. 

A small word: “ Deal”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this is just a fluffy chapter to give everyone ( including myself) a break from all the angst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As for warnings there's just brief mentions of rape and self harm, but it's nothing graphic.
> 
> The rest is just pure fluffy stuff.
> 
> In this Andrew might seem a little OOC, but keep in mind that he is still a child and that he is really trying to belong to the family.
> 
> This chapter was written to show the reasons why Andrew refuses to leave the Spears in order to escape Drake, to show what makes it so worth it

NEIL’S POV

When Andrew had first asked him to cut a deal with him, Neil had thought of it as some sort of sick joke on his part and had tried to ignore him by not responding at all. 

That method had failed of course and less than one minute later he’d agreed with it all. He’d been sure Andrew had just lied to him, nobody had ever tried to protect him before after all. A random kid who was supposed to be his brother wouldn’t have been any different from the others. 

Then he’d thought about the reason why he’d agreed to come to this house in the first place: to meet the famos Andrew Doe, also known as ‘ the weird kid who slept in the corner with a knife under his pillow’. If Neil was going to have to live with an abusive older brother he at least had the right to indulge his curiosity for a bit.

What he hadn’t expected was that Andrew would literally be attached to his hip 24/7. They didn’t talk or even look at each other, but at some point Neil had become accustomed to the silence and now it was kind of comforting in its own way.  
The only moment they parted was when they had to go to bed.

Drake had assaulted them both a few more times before leaving again, but nothing could have been done about that, since the creep was a giant with very prominent muscles, built to hold down the weaker and smaller. Afterwards Andrew had always showed up and helped him cover any sign of abuse.

When Drake had finally left it had seemed as if peace had settled itself inside the Spear household again. 

School had just begun and, since his ID clearly stated that he was just a tad bit younger than Andrew, they had been put in the same grade.

Saying that Neil was struggling was an understatement. While he used to be very smart as a kid, when had been homeschooled in the Wensninski manor, he’d kind of lost his touch with words and numbers. Survival had been the main priority, plus the constant moving around had made it very difficult to obtain a solid base on even the simplest concepts. 

Until meeting Cass he’d never really cared about that sort of stuff, but he wanted to make her proud of him, wanted to make sure that she’d keep him as part of her family. Then there was also Andrew who turned out to be some sort of genius in everything. 

The problem was that he was also a lazy bastard so, during the countless evenings Neil spent at his desk, trying to figure out how the hell to resolve a particularly difficult equation, Andrew always played ping pong or did other stuff which was noisy and distracting as hell.

One day the noise was just too annoying and he snapped

“ Drake’s gone. Why’re you still here? I don’t need your protection anymore” 

“ Shut up, I’m thinking” the other responded. The ping pong ball fell on the floor.

“ Then think without driving me mad will you?!”

“ It’s not my fault that you are a donkey”

“ Oh, I think it is because your continuous interfering doesn’t give me the chance to become smarter”

“ tough luck” Andrew picked up the ball and resumed his game

Neil tried to blend everything out, he really did, but it didn’t work so… he picked up his fat ass book and threw it with all he had in Andrew’s direction. Having always played exy before running his aim was pretty good: if Andrew’s reflexes would’t have been as sharp as they were he would have been hit right in the face.

“ So Pinocchio can bite huh?” 

Neil was fuming

“ Go away” 

“ I’m not done yet”

“Done with what !?” Neil was so fucking close to kill him

“Figuring you out”

“ I’m not a math problem”

“ I’ll still solve you”

by hearing these words Neil nearly freaked out “You don’t know what you are getting yourself into”.

“ Oh, but I’m having so much fu-“

“ Time for bed guys” Cass shouted from downstairs.

“ You heard the lady, I must go. Bye Pinocchio” Andrew raised two fingers to his temple and saluted him.

Neil was finally alone.

Before going to bed he double checked that his bad scars were well hidden. He might not have cared about anyone seing a few of his scars after all BUT that didn’t mean he wanted them to find out that he was The Butcher of Baltimore’s son. He just didn’t want to have to start running again.

 

***

ANDREW’S POV

So it seemed as if the two of them really weren’t made to get along with each other

This time it had been his fault but who cared anyway?

He changed into his pijama and read a few pages of ‘Call me by your name ’. He didn’t really regard it as one of his favourites but it had a gay relationship in it ( and a pretty damn good one at that) and he needed to get some info on his newfound sexuality quick, specifically about how it doesn’t involve pain and damage and about how liking boys doesn't make you a monster.

In the book it was made clear that it wasn’t easy, being different, but in the end it was worth it. It was kind of sweet.

As always Cass came to check if both him and Neil were in bed. 

For the first time in ages he fell asleep without fearing to be woken up by his nightmares. Maybe, just maybe he would have managed to be able to stay in his bed for one night, instead of having to use the familiar razor blade to cope with his issues.

There was one little problem left though…

When he said that he didn’t want to have any nightmares he didn’t give his head permission to give him the most mind blowing image of Neil in a loose black skin-tight shirt, and with icy (and tasty looking) water drops slowly dripping down his neck. He had to fucking right to give him the image of Neil with a slightly parted mouth and a big blush on his gorgeous idiotic face.

So there he was.

At 2 AM

Panting heavily against his pillow to calm himself down

What kind of 13 year old had a steamy dream about someone?

(his kind apparently)

He had this hot feeling spreading throughout his whole being but he ignored it and didn’t do anything about it. There was no way he was going to think about a younger boy that way because that would just be the same as Drake

‘maybe that’s how it all began for him too’ he thought ‘ maybe he too had a little bit of a phantasy and then it all went downhill from there’

and that right there terrified him.

Fortunately sexy dreams were easier to shake off than nightmares so, he was pretty much knocked out cold after fifteen minutes.

For the first time in ages he had to be woken up by his alarm clock, which had kind of only served as decoration until then. 

For the first time in ages he didn’t want to exit the warm comfort of his bed.

He enjoyed the peace and quiet for a few more seconds until Neil barged into his room together with Cass. He was holding a notebook.

oh no. Cass had that look in her eyes… that ‘do it or you’ll have to live on broccoli for the rest of your life’ look

“ Sooooo little Neil here tells me you both have this math test coming up next week and he claims that you are I quote ‘ too lazy to help him’. That changes now. I have to be honest here, I would help if I could but I wasn’t exactly the brightest in my school and I really don’t get any of it. You know it all though so you’re helping him”

“And if I refuse?”

“ Then no chocolate cupcakes for you. For every bad grade he gets, you get penalized. That sounds totally unfair but you’ll have to live with it” she said with a devilish smirk

and with that Andrew was officially defeated.

No one 

NO ONE 

was going to take away the delicious cupcakes. 

He was going to have to suck it up and actually communicate with Neil. He wasn’t looking forward to it but it was worth it.

when she was satisfied, Cass exited the room with one last sentence: “ get ready for school now darlings! ” 

Neil soon followed her

Not before giving him a triumphant smirk and winking at him.

OK. change of plans. He officially hated Neil now. And he loved cupcakes

From now on he was going to be a proud cupcakesexual and no one was going to stop him.

If he was ever going to write an autobiography he was going to call it ‘All for the Cupcakes’

God he was so lame

***

Another uneventful month went by without too many issues ( well besides Neil being an absolute idiot and not getting anything they were doing at school).

It all went by so fast that the 4th November came around really quickly.

He usually hated his birthday, since it had always been ignored in the past, but with Cass it was an exception, like always.

Even Richard cancelled an important business trip to celebrate with them. 

He might not have been the most present man, but he was still pleasant enough to want around.

For the second time in his life he got presents for his birthday ( the first time had been the year before, when he’d just been ‘added’ to the Spear family for very little. The presents were kind of crappy, since they didn’t know him very well, so they weren't sure what to get him, but he’d treasured them anyway as if they were the most valuable treasures on earth)

This time he got a ton of books and a big tray full with his beloved cupcakes. Then, when Cass wasn’t looking, Richard silently slipped a 50 dollar banknote in the small pockets of his hoodie. 

Richard then put his index to his mouth to indicate him to keep it secret “ Do me a favour and buy yourself something real nice, and don’t tell your mother”

Andrew lifted his lips just slightly to form a small, but genuine smile. 

Yeah, Richard was awesome.

After the whole gift exchanging process they all went out to an aquarium, which seemed to be silly for a teenager, but for one who never got to see anything bigger than a goldfish it was an incredible experience. 

Neil was just as enchanted as him while looking at all the fishes gently swaying in the water.

They then went to one of those fancy restaurants which had those small ass dishes with french names, which cost as much as an entire house.

Another place he’d never been to in his life, so he didn’t complain, especially when he looked at his foster parents and Neil smiling and laughing together as if they really were just a happy family.

Richard payed for the meal, ( seeing his face become pale when looking at the bill was just hilarious) and they all went home.

Cass and Richard went to their own room, probably enjoying the short time they had before the latter would have had to leave eventually.

 

Andrew was pretty much ready to call it a day ( and a pretty damn good one at that) when he heard a knock to his door.

“ come in “ he was expecting anything really, but certainly not a blushing Neil with a small present between his hands. 

“ I just wanted to say thank you for helping me study, you’re- you’re a great help you know, I-I hope you can accept this gift. It’s small but it’s the best I could do with the little pocket money we get.  
Here, take it.” Neil stuttered out while handing the small box to Andrew, who was so startled that he took it without complaining.

As soon as the object was out of Neil’s hands, he pretty much flung himself out of the room while screaming: “ don't think I’m this is going to happen again!”

Warmth crept up to Andrew's cheeks and when he looked at himself in the mirror, he nearly didn’t recognise his face, since he looked so full of emotions he’d never really felt before.

Inside the small box there was a pretty wide assortment of chocolates, the expensive ones they never got to eat. To buy them Neil had actually spent his entire money… someone had spent their entire money to please him.

His heart was literally jumping out of his chest

‘Damn it Neil, damn it stupid teenage hormones, damn it all’ he thought while tasting the first piece of the heavenly chocolate he got.

It just tasted so sweet 

With that last gesture Neil managed to get Andrew lost with no way back.

The image of the two of them sharing a kiss as sweet as the taste in his mouth right then ingrained in his head. 

Andrew was pretty sure it wasn’t going to dissolve anytime soon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!!!!!
> 
> Let me know what you thought. 
> 
> Next chapter is probably going to be angst again so I hope you enjoyed the short happiness :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas is quite troublesome in the Spear household

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, first let me just say hi. I’ve been absent for quite some time again.
> 
> This chapter is pure angst so be careful. It’s the usual rape, violence and self harm warnings nearly all the other chapters have
> 
> Other than that enjoy and let me know what you thought of it :)

Neil’s POV

“ Drake is coming back tomorrow”

Those were the words he and Andrew dreaded more than anything else

As christmas neared, going down at the dinner table became more and more of a struggle for them, knowing full well that Cass was going to drop them like a bomb eventually.

So the days went by slowly until Cass informed them that Drake was actually not going to come this year because he had some important lessons and exercises he had to attend .

Than moment might have been the most relieving one in his life and judging by Andrew’s relaxed posture it wasn’t any different for him.

He only felt slightly sorry for Cass, who was clearly saddened by his biological son’s decline to their invitation.

On the 22nd December they all began decorating the place as soon as Richard came home. What Neil found out was that they were a very festive family.

No corner of the house was spared from glittery and sparkly objects. It honestly looked as if Santa had puked in there. It was so very hideous even Neil wasn’t able to find some positive remark to make.

There were the stockings though, and one of them had his ‘ name’ on it.

At the Wesninski manor all he ever got were slaps for even mentioning Christmas to his parents, and that started when he was about seven because no one had ever mentioned him of that day. He found out accidently when one of his father’s men, one who probably had at least some regards of his own family dropped a cheerful Christmas card on the floor.

He’d taken the card and brought it up to his room.   
There was a message inside:   
Dear Caroline,

I’m sorry I won’t be able to be with you and mommy this year, but I promise that I’ll make it up to you.

It seemed like Santa wasn’t happy with my boss just keeping me away from you on such an important day, so he decided to help me: He’s going to give you your presents when I’m back.

Now, don’t be sad if the other children are going to get theirs before you do, just be patient for a few days and you’ll not be disappointed.

Love, your Daddy.

 

So, while he had had to introduce himself as the Butcher of Baltimore´s son to equally shady people at all times, there had been a girl who   
could call her father daddy and not Sir, or Father, a girl who had been shielded from her family's shady business.

He’d gotten angry

He’d shouted at his father

He’d disobeyed 

His first christmas when he’d actually known of its existence had been three broken ribs, a new scar on his back, and Lola’s vicious smile tattooed to the inside of his eyelids.

The entire atmosphere was just so different from what he was used to, that Neil had to remind himself that he wasn’t dreaming a few times before the whole decorating process was finished 

For once, even Andrew wasn’t completely unaffected either, maybe because he’d already witnessed it once.

There was something in his eyes though. If Neil didn’t know better he would have called it affection, but he did know better so he just dismissed it.

Cass was overly excited about it all and no matter how much Neil and Andrew tried to convince her that they didn’t need anything, the presents kept piling up day by day.

***

Everything was fine

 

At least it seemed to be so

 

The entire family was so enveloped by the Christmas spirit, they weren’t even able to picture any possible hindrance

That is until the 25th December came by…

***

Neil woke up with a choked grasp.

He was drenched in his own sweat. No matter how much Christmas lifted the spirits, it didn’t seem capable of lifting people’s demons at all.

No matter how far away he was, he could still feel Drake’s damp breath on his neck and all of his lingering touches never faded

He glanced at the clock: 2:45 AM. 

Bothering anyone, even Andrew was out of the question then. The best strategy was probably to calm down and try to fall back asleep. 

So he started counting 

One..two...three...four….five...six...seven...eight...nine...ten

Ein...zwei...drei...vie- crack

 

The floorboards creaked.

Someone was walking inside of the house and it wasn’t Andrew or cass: they were both way too small and light to make sounds like that.

Richard wasn’t it either though because the man slept like a brick at all times, plus these footsteps came from someone who was wearing some pretty heavy boots, and Richard had this habit of walking barefoot at all times when he was at home.

There were only three other possibilities:  
1: it was just a normal burglar who wanted some money  
2: his father’s men had finally gotten to him  
3: Drake came back to surprise his family

Neil just hoped that it was the first of his ideas, but then again his luck was never one of the best so about 30 seconds later the door to his room opened and his ‘ big bro’ silently slipped in.

Neil’s blood instantly went cold

He was so afraid again 

And there it was: the disgustingly damp breaths on his neck, the big hands pinning him down to the mattress, the feeling of complete and utter feeling of helplessness, fear, and humiliation.

“ hey pretty face, you missed me?” He whispered right next to Neil’s ear.

He started undressing him and groping him everywhere, not even giving Neil the chance to react because his face was immediately pushed into the pillow. The pressure on his head strong enough that Neil thought his skull was going to break into hundreds of pieces.

Obviously Drake didn’t wait long before pulling his own pants down and plunging into Neil with his usual brutality until Neil couldn’t take it anymore.

Shortly after Drake decided that Neil wasn’t the only one he wanted to torment so he pulled out and started making his way to Andrew’s room, but before he could take more than one step a small, white knuckled hand clutched one of his sleeves to stop him.

“ can’t get enough of me Neil?” The sick bastard asked with one of his horrifying grins 

When Neil just continued to hold onto him he continued: “ you want me to finish off inside of you? You want to feel me? You’re jealous that AJ will get all of the good stuff?!“ 

honestly, Neil wanted nothing more than to get rid of Drake as soon as possible, then again if he was let free then, Andrew was going to have to face the same.

No matter how much of an asshole Andrew had been to him, he was the closest thing to a friend he‘d ever had, plus might have been sleeping peacefully then. Why not do him a favor for once?

So Drake continued and Neil quietly endured it all until he was left alone shivering and vulnerable.

Fortunately though Drake had also managed to cum all over him, meaning that there was no reason to go to Andrew since he‘d once read that men needed a bit of time before being able to perform any sexual act involving their own ding-dongs.

As promised Andrew was left unharmed for that night and Neil managed to get himself washed up without raising him from his sleep… or so he thought until he went back into his room and found Andrew sitting on his dirty bed.

he looked furious

“ Why the fuck didn’t he come to me?” Pure venom was coming out of his mouth

“ I asked him not to.” God he was too worn out for this shit

“ Oh, and I’m supposed to believe that he just left huh?!”

“ Andrew, stop it”

But Andrew was way past his anger limit: he jumped up and raised his arm with such a speed that Neil couldn’t even follow the movement.

He prepared himself for the impact but then… nothing.

Andrew’s hand was literally one inch from his face. It was shaking.

“ Fuck. Shit. Fucking Shit. Fuck. Fuck” it almost seemed as though Andrew was possessed by some demon, so Neil just took his hand on instinct and held it gently between his own.

It was cold

Then his brain caught up to his actions and he realized that he had just touched Andrew without consent.

He felt sick all over again

He quickly let go of his hold while repeating the word “ sorry” for about 10000 times.

Well, hadn’t these last two minutes been fun.

Now the boys were just looking at each other, waiting for one to say something, anything.

“ Why are you putting up with this shit? you could have reported this to any social worker who’s come here to check upon us, instead you just let him do whatever the fuck he wants with you” Andrew finally asked. He was much calmer this time, as if the anger had just dissolved into nothing.

 

“ You told me to stay silent, to let nobody know…”

“ Tell me you’re not actually this stupid Pinocchio, I told you to keep the shit to yourself because telling on Drake would have resulted in me being sent back to the orphanage yet again. I meant it for my own safety”

Neil visibly flinched at the mention of his abuser’s name, so he just cut the conversation short

“ look, believe it or not I did it because I want to stay here too, now go away I really cannot deal with you right now.”

It was true, he could feel himself shutting down more and more every second, in a few minutes he’d be nothing more than an unmoving puppet

Andrew seemed to sense Neil’s condition so he went started walking towards the door. Just before leaving he turned around one last time and whispered: “ just- next time you let him come to me, you don’t just sacrifice yourself. Not for someone like me anyway.”

With that he was gone

As always Neil tried to sleep after having changed his bed sheets but it was impossible so he just gave it up and thought instead of the very faint sight he got of Andrew’s forearm: a mess of short overlapping scars. 

He should probably confront him in the morning.

But he won’t.

He knew Andrew would just shut himself off like he would do if his own scars were questioned.

He just really hoped that Andrew would come to his senses and stop what he was doing to himself

And with that he shut off


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrew has a little bit of an episode and we get to know a side of Cass which nobody knew before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here’s a brief summary of what’s happened until now:   
> -Mary dumps her son in an orphanage  
> \- He is fostered by the Spears   
> -Andrew is there too  
> \- Drake assaults both kids as soon as he can   
> -Andrew is starting to like Neil although he will never admit it.  
> \- Neil sacrifices himself in order to get andrew to safety.  
> \- Andrew is super angry and nearly hits Neil  
> \- Neil inadvertedly sees Andrew’s scars
> 
>  
> 
> As for warnings: pretty much the usual underage rape because Drake is unfortunately still there, mentions of self harm and a brief mention of a forced abortion.
> 
> There is mostly angst but also some fluff in here sooooo enjoy!!

Andrew’s POV

Neil had seen his scars, Andrew was pretty sure of it.

He’d stared at Andrew’s wrist for one second more than he should have.

The question was: why didn’t he say anything?

Andrew spent hours pondering over the question, anxiously awaiting for the morning to come.

His mind wanted to tell him that Neil was going to use the newly acquired info to his advantage and find a way to blackmail him, but Andrew knew that this was not going to happen anytime soon.

Neil was a lot of things, but he was not a cold blooded strategist. 

The next thought was that maybe Neil was planning on taking on his unhealthy habit as well, and at that Andrew decided to stop thinking. 

It was not supposed to feel like this.

The mere thought of Neil hitting rock bottom like he had was unbearable.

He shouldn't have cared. What the hell was happening to him?

Even the angry outburst he had before was completely out of character. 

Neil had just made sure that he would be safe. Andrew was safe for now. In the world he lived safety meant everything. He should have been happy about it, and slightly amused by Neil’s complete and utter stupidity. Now, Neil’ s pain was even worse his own. His heart was still beating erratically and his breathing was uneven.

His eyes landed on his reflection on the mirror. His face was red and tears were desperately trying to escape from his eyes.

This wasn’t apathy, this wasn’t numbness. This was a fucking panic attack. He hadn’t had a panic attack since he was seven. He didn’t even remember what crying felt like.

He felt completely drained, so much that the sunk down on the floor, made himself as small as possible and sobbed quietly for who knows how long. 

At around 6 AM he heard a knock on his door

“ AJ, are you alright in there” Cass asked from outside “ can I come in?”.

Cass must have heard him from the hallway. She always was one of those people who started roaming around the hours at these ungodly hours.

He didn’t respond. He honestly didn’t even know how to talk anymore.

“ I’m coming in ok?” And with that Cass let herself inside. 

“ Gosh, AJ what are you doing all balled up on the floor like that?”

“ Don’t look at me” Andrew managed to rasp out. His face was hidden by his drawn up knees. He objectively knew he looked hideous with his red puffy eyes and the snot which had been running from his nose that it was falling down his chin.

“ Foster parents don’t keep ugly and dirty children”

He remembered this phrase all too well. It had been beaten into him way way too often for him to forget.

“ AJ, please tell me what is going on, why shouldn't I look at you? I am your mother, at least if you want me to be, and it’s my job to love you make sure that you are alright no matter what, so look at me and don’t shut me out” 

At that Andrew couldn’t keep himself from looking up. For some reason neither the word please or AJ had triggered anything bad in him.

“ I-I I don’t know what- what’s wrong with me”

She just smiled, picked up a blanket from his bed and sat next to him while wrapping him up into some sort of cocoon. She then reached into her pocket, pulled out a tissue, and cleaned his face with such gentleness that he felt overwhelmed all over again.

Nothing other than their sides were touching and for some reason Andrew felt like it wasn’t enough, so he leaned into her more and asked : “could you maybe just talk a bit? Anything is okay”

So she talked, and talked and talked about how she was a completely different person when she was his age, how she’d started doing drugs at 16 because she’d always felt like nothing was ever enough to make her happy, how her parents had thrown her out of their house when they’d found out about it, how she’d lived on the streets for months because she had lost all of the friends she once had, how she’d sold her body to anyone in order to get enough money to eat something. 

Honestly, Andrew was shocked of hearing this story. He’d never thought that a person who’d have to go through that would have been able to show kindness to anyone.

“ And then one day I was pregnant. By then I was a full on prostitute and my boss wasn’t happy when I gave him the news. I was selling really well so instead of just throwing me out he-he beat the baby out of me” tears were now falling down her face now “ I don’t know what I would have done with that baby. To be honest I was considering giving it up for adoption, but when I suddenly didn’t have it anymore I was so so empty. One day I just got sick of it and so I- I killed one of my richer clients, took all the money he had on him and ran. I then managed to work here and there to at least earn something and then, well I met Richard and it all kind of changed for the better. Sometimes it’s still very hard to cope with these monsters I tried to bury all that time ago, but things have gotten better. With this I want to tell you that life is not always great, even if you are born into a normal family. What you have had to live through until now must have horrible, and I know that what your social worker told me about you is not even close to reality, but be aware that you are not alone and that both you and Neil deserve the happiest life anyone can have. Don’t shut me out of everything because you think I can’t handle it,got it”.

She was now stroking his hair just as he used to imagine a real mother would do. He might have been a bit too old for this kind of thing, but he’d never been given the chance to have this when the time was right so fuck it.

“ Yes mom” he said.

At that Cass drew back visibly stunned “ You’ve never called me that”

“ I won’t do it again. I’m sorry it slipped out” 

“ Nonononono you just made me the happiest woman alive, you know that? You calling me mom means that you trust me, and that is all I wish from you”

That morning mother and son sat there for another good hour until Richard called both Neil and Andrew to come down to unpack their presents. Only then did Andrew let go of his mother and remembered that Neil was likely still staring at nothing in his bedroom. 

When Cass went down to her husband Andrew heard her scream of delight when she saw Drake in front of her. He must have made an actual surprise visit and only alerted the children of his arrival.

He went back to Neil’s room and as expected, he was nowhere near fine

“ you look like shit” 

“ and you look like crap thank you very much. What is it? Did you cry all night?”

Andrew wasn’t having this conversation so he merely changed the subject

“ Did you ever celebrate Christmas before coming here?”

Truth be told Andrew had expected the answer to be yes, since he’d had an actual family before but as always Neil managed to surprise him with a blunt “ No. My parents were never really festive”

“ Then come down with me. Let’s take a break from this shit and have a normal morning. We can think about Drake later” 

And so they washed their faces and went downstairs where everyone was already waiting for them

“ AJ, Neil, Drake’s here. Isn’t it marvellous?”

Both boys nodded curtly but were quite unable to look at Cass in the eye while doing so

Opening presents was as always delightful. Andrew didn’t get as many as he’d gotten the year before, as a matter of fact he only got two: a big ass book full of cake recipes and a pair of those expensive black emo-boots full of chains and stuff that he’d ogled for and hour the first time he’d laid eyes on them. Neil got a giant drawing set which he stared at with awe for a good five minutes before looking ad Richard and Cass and uttering a silent “ thank you thank you thank you” mantra over and over again.

Then Cass went next to Andrew and winked at him “ We’ll be using this baking book a whole lot from now on. Your cooking skills are terrible”

“ They’re not so bad c’mon give him some credit Cass. Last time he got near the oven it didn’t even explode” Neil contributed and Andrew sent him a death glare.

Then Drake came with his own two presents for the two boys and their mood went to shit immediately

Inside of the packages was black underwear.

Andrew felt sick but il looked like Neil was slightly worse for wear because he bolted to the toilet and started dry heaving . Of course Cass and Richard followed immediately to help him and when Andrew looked at Drake’s face again the bastard was grinning “ Aren’t you glad I’m back AJ. You need someone to fuck you thoroughly don’t you AJ?” His damp breath hit Andrew’s neck but he made no move to stop any of it. It wouldn’t have changed anything anyway. “ Tonight It’s your turn brother dear”

——————————————————————

So Drake ruined Christmas.

For Andrew at least. 

At about 1AM he was already cleaning himself in the bathroom as best as he could. 

That night Andrew hadn’t been particularly mentally ready for all of that shit and he felt as though he was losing control.

And control meant everything to him

He needed to be in control in order to survive.

He looked at where he kept a few razor blades hidden. For once he didn’t really want to give into the urge. He hadn’t done it in quite a while and he just felt uneasy about restarting this particular unhealthy habit all over again.

So he held back and didn’t reach for the blades, he merely closed the bathroom door as quietly as he could and went back to his room.

Little did he know that if Andrew would have reached out instead of deciding against he would not have been able to do so anyway, because the blades were gone.

In its stead was a small piece of paper written in Neil’s ugly handwriting.

Only one word was on there:

Don’t.

Maybe it was a blessing that Andrew didn’t see this after the day he’d had. It would have caused too much paranoia in the poor boy.

For now he needs some rest which he’s not actually going to get, let’s not make his situation worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of your wonderful support, Y’all have no idea how much I appreciate your comments and views.
> 
> Thank you so much :)

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are highly appreciated, let me know what you thought and what I can improve since English isn't my mother tongue


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